Sometimes It Hurts to Live

Sometimes it hurts to live.

Three days after Thanksgiving, I was standing on the freeway. I was trying to find the courage to run in front of a big rig.

That is where the police officer found me.

I spent the next three days in a mental hospital and have spent three years searching for something.

I find it occasionally, laughing with a friend, watching a sunrise, moments of clarity, moments of love.
But they always leave me.

I feel broken inside. I hear so many loving words, and for a second, I believe them before I remember who I am.
I love you
You’re beautiful
You’re enough
Maybe it’s true. Perhaps it’s a lie.
That doesn’t matter.

You’re not alone. I’m not alone; none of us are alone. I love you, no matter the circumstances. I love you. You have one person behind you.

Depression and suicide are so painful. They make the world grey. Sometimes the world gets so grey, leaving it seems like the answer.

It’s not.

There is something you can do to make the world a better place. There is something for everyone. You have meaning, and you have value.

Smile at a stranger, laugh with a friend, hug someone. Connect for god’s sake, connect! Write, paint, sing, draw, dance, anything that lights you up.


Live for the tinny second you’re alive.

Live before its to late to live.

Live because there is nothing more meaningful than to live.

Remember, you will die. How would you like to spend your time until that day?

I can’t say it will all be okay, or that things will get better. All I can say is that I love you.

I hope its enough.


Why a Correcting your Attitude can Vastly Improve your Quality of Life

What is your attitude when you work? Do you get up in the morning, till out of bed and grumble time for work and or school with a sigh of resignation. Plod into the shower, plod out of the shower. Eat your breakfast with a mindless determination knowing that is this what must be done for yourself for the kids etc. You sleepwalk through your day doing a thousand and one menial tasks maybe even with energy but in most cases only enough to get the job done to the level where you won’t be fired. You eat with the same mindless intensity at lunch, then back to work. You drive home, eat dinner, maybe watch a little tv then go to bed to get up the next morning and do it all over again. On the weekends you mow the lawn and maybe watch the game.

Now let me pose a simple question to you, how did our primal ancestors approach the day. Did he roll out of his cave and grumble about the day of hunting ahead? Did he eat last night’s leftovers for breakfast and think about how unfair life is? NO. He got his caveman butt up and went hunting with a smile on his face because he had a purpose, something he wanted to do, and this was his choice to do it. Was it easy to hunt for food? NO!!! It was hard and dangerous, and there was a chance you could be killed every day. Primal men went out every day (maybe two or three if they killed an unusually large animal) and hunted for food. He did this with his tribe and his family around him, and he did it with a smile on his face. He was doing this dangerous hard work because it was his job along with the other men in the tribe to hunt for food.

He had a purpose, a goal, and he went about achieving his goal with a single-minded intensity that we as men carry in us to this day. It was an explicit goal, not bring back food sometime in the future, not well it would be nice to have food. It went out and hunted and brought home a dead animal for dinner tonight!! This is how we are wired, for the vast majority of human existence, this has been the job of the men (along with fighting wars, but that is a topic for another day).

Now, this single-minded intensity is still inside of us. It can even be used. Sadly nowadays in many of us, a wastes away or is used on some unproductive task. Men are hard-wired to pursue goals. It’s a massive evolutionary advantage. The problem is when those goals are taken away when the lines between success and failure and blurred to the point of living in a grey world. What do we do when there is no one left to show us what to do to live happy, satisfied lives. Men are lost in a sea of grey, what can we do about it?

We make our own dam goals is what we do! We go out into the world and find what we want to do, what we want to change, who we want to be and we take it!! Not with force but with a single-minded intensity of work gifted to us by our ancestors. You want a million dollars, go start a business and rake in the money. Do you want a beautiful, loving relationship with a fantastic girl? Go lift weights, work on yourself and all your issues, become the best version of yourself and they will flock to you. Do you want to go to mars? Go start a rocket company and fly yourself to freaking mars. These things can be accomplished if you define your goals and then go after them with the single-minded intensity that I know you possess.

Don’t give me some bullshit like “oh I’m not motivated enough”, or “I’m lazy”. You don’t lack motivation, I heard something that stuck with me, and I will paraphrase it here. If I told you to meet me somewhere at 4 in the morning and I will give you 5 million dollars, where will you be at 3:59? Right where I asked you to be. You don’t lack motivation. The stakes aren’t high enough.

Now let me offer you some perspective, especially for you young guys out there. You are going to die. No way around it, you are going to die. It might be in 60 years it might be in 60 seconds. Now, what are you going to do with the time you have left? You don’t know how long you’re going to live. You get one shot in this body on this earth. Don’t waste the chance you are given. Take life by the horns and squeeze every drop of experience you can out of it. Life is short. We are all going to die. Make the most of it.

Wishing you luck on your journey -Emmit

Why a Lack of Self Confidence Will Bleed Into your Life and Negatively Affecit yout Relationships with Women

Self-confidence is this nebulous force sprouted from the mouths of gurus and charlatans sometimes at the same time At this most basic it is a belief in oneself. You can have varying degrees of it from I am a god who controls the universe to I am nothing and utterly worthless. Neither of these extremes is healthy.

To possess the proper amount of self-confidence requires doing things to build your abilities and faith in them. This is a vital part of the equation. You having an unbalanced level of self-confidence, is a recipe for disaster. Picture trying to jump off a building and do a proper tuck and roll, now if you have practiced this is a relatively safe, but with false self-confidence, you will leap to your death. Or the reverse where you are over prepared and still are too full of fear to act. You stop living before you ever die.

Either way is no way to live, balance is necessary. But if you build from a solid base, having realistic appraisals of your skills while still being confident. Confidence coming not from false bravado or ego but firmly rooted in reality.

True self-confidence will revolutionize your life. Who gets the girl? Who starts the billion dollars company? Who changes their life for the better, embraces fear and challenges. Who causes shifts for the better on a planetary scale. Those with self-confidence, those who understand where they are at but also trust in their ability to improve and grow into what they are truly meant to become.

Self-confidence is not the only piece, but it is one of the essential building blocks. When our ancestors were raised in a harsh and hostile environment they were shown and taught the skills they needed to survive and thrive they built their self-confidence and skills at an equal pace.

We are given no such luxury we are thrust into this foreign world woefully unprepared for the burden that falls to us, to grow into our roles, this a blessing in disguise. We are no longer limited by our tribe’s knowledge. Our traditions have been destroyed along with our constraints.

We can rise as high as we want, but the burden falls squarely on our shoulders to do so. We can embrace our circumstances and learn, grow become who we are meant to be — brimming with earned self-confidence — joyous prosperous. Or we can le the weight of responsibility crush us as we fall into the fit of despair. Letting our false confidence deceive us. We will die before we ever have a chance to live. I know what I chose every day, I hope you make the right choice

Wishing you luck on your journey – Emmit

Back Sliding and What to do About it.

This is about backsliding (When things go wrong) and how to recover from it.

I have a confession, iv been having problems. I have been letting my ego rule my life. I missed some work, and I wasn’t present when I was there. I was angry and frustrated and every day was a struggle. I backslid, hard. I thought that these were problems I no longer had, that I was immune to them. Hubris got the better of me, and I lost two weeks of productivity and happiness. Not a massive loss in the grand scheme of things I know but it still bugs me that I let it sneak up on me. No one is perfect, but that does not mean that you shouldn’t strive for perfection.

I sat down after I had my head back on straight and said to myself, okay this happened how can I prevent it and how did I get out of it and now that I am out of it I bet there are lots of other people who have this same problem. Who don’t know how to fix it and who get stuck once they backslide. I am here to help, I am here to tell you that all is not lost, no matter how much time you missed a day or a year. You can come back better and stronger from experience.

Now for me, my backsliding was around my ego, I let it get out of hand and start to influence my thoughts and actions. But there are many ways to backslide, maybe you started a new workout, and you went out last night and were hungry and had low self-control, and you put down four big macs and a pint of ice cream. Well it sucks, and you’re going to feel horrible, now move on. Get your butt back up and fix it and keep pushing forward. Don’t let whatever happened to stop you, and it’s just a bump in the road. Now onto a more concrete way to solve your problem.

First off you need to sit down and have a real honest look at yourself. Free from judgment and ego and those rose-colored glasses that tell you, well I may have yelled at my wife, but it was justified!! She was doing x y and z. Sit down and have a real honest look at what is wrong. It might be you backslid a little or that you have some real unresolved issues in your life that are causing problems and they need to be solved. Either way figure out what is wrong, in my case my ego was running the show, and it was creating lots of issues. I was unhappy and angry and had no one to blame but myself (Of course my ego wanted to blame everyone, but myself and that was part of the problem). So as I was saying, sit down and acknowledge your actions and then say to yourself that I am not satisfied with how things are and lay out exactly where you want to be. If that is losing that 10 pounds, you gained over the holidays or going and improving your relationship with the wife you just yelled at (Hint: Flowers and chocolate do wonders).

Then commit, truly commit to changing whatever it is and go out with all of the desire in the world to do so. There is a fascinating book that I would highly recommend to anyone striving for something in their lives (Everyone should be) it is called Think and grow rich, and it documents the accounts of over 500 wealthy men who made their fortunes from nothing. It lays out 17 pieces to achieving whatever you genuinely desire I recommend you pick up a copy and read it if you are serious about making changes in your life. I’m not going to sugar coat it; it might be hard to change. It is going to hurt. There are going to be growing pains. You might lose friends and loved ones. But I promise you the rewards are worth every second of it. Even if you only get back to where you were, you will feel so much better about who you are, your relationships, life in general. Go out and change the world, to do that start by changing yourself.

I wish you the best of luck in your journey -Emmit.

Why You Should Mediate On your Own Mortality

Why meditating on your own mortality gives you drive and your life meaning. With quotes from Marcus Aurelius

Recently I was having trouble, I was unmotivated unfocused anxious and just generally a mess. I was not sleeping all night and then sleeping the whole next day. Nothing was getting done, and I had some tight deadlines coming up. I was in significant trouble, and then it hit me like a bolt from the sky.

I am going to die, and my life is finite and ever fleeting. Why am I sitting here losing countless hours in trivial pursuits that are virtually useless? A digital opiate if you will, now don’t misunderstand me I am not saying technology is bad at all I am saying is it can be misused. I was abusing it. So I sat there, and I thought about how much time I have on this earth and how this is the only shot I am going to get. I sat back and decided I was going to stop wasting the time I was given, get my ass up and contribute something.

This is what I urge you to do, get up every morning and think about your life think about what you have accomplished and who you are. Imagine if this is enough if you have lived up to your potential keeping in mind you could die at any time. There are no guarantees in life, only death, and taxes as they say. Do not waste the precious time you have. GET UP AND DO SOMETHING!!!!! You want to start a business, start a business. Been looking longingly at a girl for the past month and your too scared to ever talk to her, TALK TO HER. You can die at any time. Everything can be brought crashing down so make the most of the time you have. Shoot for the stars, start that business you have always dreamed of running. Work your ass off for that vacation to the Bahamas you have been dreaming about since you were 10. Make a difference in the world.

Now I am not telling you do blow your life savings on hookers and cocaine far from it. That would be a massive waste, realize that life is fleeting and make the most of it. I know you can do it. I’m going to leave you with a quote from Marcus Aurelius who was brought out of retirement to save the Roman empire three times, he was given emergency power and was unstoppable. He had unlimited power at the helm of one of the most powerful empires the world had ever seen. Most of you know the saying power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely, and for much of history, this has been true. Not so with Marcus Aurelius and many attribute this to his practices which are written down in the meditations of Marcus Aurelius (Highly recommend it). This is what he says ” When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive – to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love.” Take the gift you have been given. Go out and do something in the world, because it may be the last thing you ever do.